Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to seek those...– J. D. Stroube (via photographic-energy)
When it comes to relationships I’m the dumbest one. And I don’t...– -Chapped Lips, Chap Sticks, and Things Like Chemistry Relient K
birdywillow: people asking me what kind of music i like is such a stressful experience
Choose your love, love your choice.– Thomas S. Monson
Rachel, Jacob, and Leah on the Jerry Springer Show
Would all of you please give a warm welcome for our special guests tonight! Jacob and his first wife Leah, and their children Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issachar, Zebulun, and Dinah! And Leah's servant Zilpah, and her children, Gad and Asher.
Let us also welcome Jacob's second wife, Rachel, and her son Joseph. And let us welcome Rachel's Servant, Bilhah and her children Dan and Naphtali!
So... without further ado!
Host: You seem to be getting a LOT of action in your marital life, eh?
Jacob: Ha! Ha! Well... I guess you could say that. But then again, it's only obvious because in my time there was no such thing as birth control.
Host: Well you certainly should be on the list for father of the year, Jacob! I mean you've got, what? 11 children?! That's pretty damn good for being in an incestious family!
Jacob: Well thanks.
Host: But, I have an important question for you Jacob.
Jacob: Sure. What?
Host: You said that you loved your wife Rachel but not your wife Leah. Is that right?
Jacob: Yes, that's right.
Host: If you didn't love your wife Leah, then why did you have more children [through single births mind you] with her, than with your other wife Rachel and both of your servant?
Jacob: Well... umm... you see...
Host: You must have gotten something out of your relationship with Leah, I mean you had to have had a TON of sex with that woman to have 7 children with her! Maybe the sex was good?
Jacob: Well, uh, Rachel was barren... and...
Host: Nevermind... it's clear that you're contradicting yourself.
Host: Now... Rachel.... you said that the reason you had only one child was because "God made you sterile for a long time as a punishment for Jacob only loving you?"
Rachel: That's right.
Host: I find that a little hard to believe Rachel. I think the more likely reason is that you have low fertility due to the epidemic of inbreeding in your family. Afterall inbreeding can do that to families. I mean... let's look at this. You're Great Uncle and your husband's grandfather, Abraham, married his sister! And then your uncle and your husband's father, Issac married his first cousin. And now your husband has followed in his fathers footsteps and married TWO of his first cousins! You AND your sister Leah! Which means, that all your children are both half-siblings and cousins at the same time. Don't you think that's kinda sick?
Rachel: Not really. My husband loves me. So what if he's my first cousin?
Host: And what about the fact that your husband has TWO wives! I thought that was illegal for moral and hygenic reasons!
Rachel: It's perfectly legal under God!
Host: Whatever! So, another question, why were you so jealous of your sister being a mother that you whored out your maid to your husband?
Rachel: I wanted to show my slut of a sister that I'm just as good as she is!
Leah: YOU TAKE THAT BACK, RACHEL! YOU BITCH!!
Rachel: YOU'RE A WHORE LEAH AND YOU KNOW IT!! YOU JUST CAN'T STOP HAVING SEX WITH JACOB!! YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO ONE UP ME!!
Leah: Rachel... you're a bitch who can't even produce more than one kid! You're a pre-pubescent bitch!
Rachel: ARGHHH!!! *Rachel and Leah get into a cat fight and Jacob, the servants, and the Host look nervous*
Host: Okay... that's all the time we have now! Thanks for tuning in and, goodnight!
I really appreciate the answer to my prayer but did it have to feel like a punch to the face?
corycopeland: We can’t let a bad relationship cheapen our views of love. There’s someone out there worth the courage it takes to start something new.
youknowyouareafanofpsych: You know you are a fan of Psych when your friend says something that you agree with and you say: You know that’s right! submitted by bainas!!!!!!
from my guts.
jakedudley: Do it. Take the chance. Play your hand. Make a move. Quit your job. Go back to school. Take a year off. Move to Africa. Ask the girl out. If it doesn’t work, you didn’t fail; you learned. Maybe you only learned one thing. Something. Anything. Maybe you haven’t a clue yet…It doesn’t matter. You had the guts to feel a certain way and do something with it. You should be damn...
Remind me that I made the right choice.
So I was going to make a post that said:
“Yo Holy Spirit, Y U NO COMFORT ME?!?!?” #Dear God #You’re not doing your job!! Then I was like: “Wait! The Holy Spirit doesn’t accuse. ‘The Accuser’ is the name of Satan.” #Dear Satan #You are not the Holy Spirit That is my revelation for the day…which is something we all knew. It’s bloody hot. I think I have heat stroke. Hence...
LOLOL My family just watched this episode and I...
intergalactickoala: SECRET TUNNELLLLLL SECRET TUNNELLLLLL THROUGH THE MOUNTAAAAAAAINS SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET TUNNELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL YEahh
A few minutes ago every tree was excited, bowing to the roaring storm, waving,...– John Muir (via kylexsumner)
Does snuggling with your favorite version of the...
danikamcclure: Everyone is obsessed with themselves (including me) and I hate it.
The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.– Be My Escape Relient K
Almost Every Day This Week:
Me: I think I'll spend time with God today!
Wii: No, you want to play Lego Star Wars!
Me: Yeah! You're totally right!
Wii: Of course I am.
Me: DIE GENERAL GREVIOUS. YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT THE POWERS OF GOOD WITH YOUR ROBOTIC ARMS AND FOUR LIGHTSABERS. WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THOSE ANYWAYS!?
(Later in bed)
Me: I want to spend time with God tomorrow!
Wii: *evil laugh*
Me: What was that?
Wii: Oh, nothing~ Night!
The stereotype is that guys want sex more than girls. Well, I guess I haven’t...– Dirty Treasures
Humility doesn’t mean being down on yourself. It...
Tons of true in this article. →
On and on and on we go Just like a carousel that’s lost control And we...– Carousel’s - Paper Route
For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save...– John 3:17 (via tothineownselfbetrue7)
Is it any wonder people find it hard to believe in the resurrection of Jesus if...– NT Wright, Surprised by Hope (via existtheblog)